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Thursday, 14 February 2013

Some people just dont know when they have it good...

I've just heard about a bloke, in Leeds, who had a job. Great firm, really nice boss, but rather than get into work on time, he used to turn up late & always had a ready excuse for not being there.
Until he got fired.
Now, I'm no expert, but lets face it, if you have a job in today's climate, then you really should look after it. After all, people like me who would love to go out to work, but at the moment cant, would really appreciate a regular pay cheque once a month.
And then he called the firm up & begged for his job back as he needed a steady income to be able to have his fiancé brought to the UK...
What a tosser!
If he'd any respect for the firm & the job, he'd have been on time every day, done his work & buggered off at home time like normal people, but no, stroll in at gone 10, excuse at the ready.
It really makes me sick that twats like that even get offered jobs...Nothing to do with race, colour or creed, just a lazy bastard who didn't care about his work colleagues or the firm he worked for.
Ah well, fuck it.
I'll get off my soap box & let you look at the poem....

A Riddle
 
This sickness thirsts, but hates desire,
Chills when it burns, but is not fire;
Sweet-tasting to the fair and just,
But once it catches, sour as dust;
Pretends to free the human race,
Makes monsters of the human face;
Corrupts the meaning of the mother,
Turns he and she against each other;
Twists truth into an ancient lie,
But has no shame to testify;
Servile, despising those who serve,
Seeking what it would not deserve;
Cyst upon the human heart,
Canker of science and of art;
Gives love a new excuse to hate,
Envies the power to create,
And yet can only imitate.
 
What is it?
 
                                  Frederick Turner
 
 
From Hadean Eclogues, Story Line Press,
© 1999.  Reprinted by permission of the author.

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Education, education, education.

Well, I had a really bad swing this time. Biggest problem was the timing of it. It coincided with the visit of my Daughter before her return to University. Sorry Sami.
All three of my kids are very good, but Sami has seen it at more of an arms length growing up with her Mum and has a very different perspective of me.
When I'm low, I am one miserable basket. There are those who would say that's my normal state, but they're wrong. I really am a fairly happy bloke most of the time. I'm back to level at the moment, which means that my studying with the OU is on track (2000 words, For what reasons and to what extent did the classicising traditions of high art dominate European visual culture between c.1750 and c.1830? In your answer you should make close reference to Reynolds, Discourses and Winckelmann, Reflections on the Painting and Sculpture of the Greeks (Reader Texts 4.13.1 and 4.14.1).)
and although its a lot of reading, I think I'm making headway with the research and am ahead of the curve so far.
What's painful is the Government are trying to stop ALL funding for mature students over the coming years. This is one of their stupider ideas out of a large pool of stupid ideas that they dip into.
For me, studying with the OU is a lifeline that keeps me going. When I'm down, its one of the things I look forward too and when I'm on a high, its a great thing to keep me from doing anything daft myself.
I cant go out to work at the moment, so whats wrong with allowing people to improve themselves whilst they are sat at home? Surely, its better to learn than to do nothing but sit and watch daytime TV or play video games? Hell, they could even set up classrooms INSIDE Job centre's and allow people to study in there for a few hours a week whilst job hunting.
Or is an educated workforce not something the Tory's want to see?
An educated workforce is one that's productive, motivated and highly employable. Where as a group of people left on a scrap heap to fester and given no motivation at all are unlikely to want to go to work.
I'm not saying everyone should be educated to degree level, because no matter what your political persuasion, not everyone is academically minded, but if the Government funded courses in basic trades as well, we could build our way out the recession as well as educate a whole generation that learning is a life long legacy.
When Labour decided to introduce tuition fees, they effectively made certain that whole swathes of the population would no longer be given the chance to get themselves educated to a higher degree than just basic GCSE level.
This came from a cabinet who had ALL gone to university for free...Talk about pulling the ladder up behind you!
Now we have a government full of millionaires who would rather give tax breaks to their mates than actually look at the reason we're in recession and sort it out.
There is no way that just cuts will make up for years of Labour malaise.
Anyway, I don't have the solution to this countries woes, but it seems neither do out political classes. All three main parties are run by millionaires who don't care for the man on the street.

Today's poem....

F*ckedBritain.com

The trains don’t run on time
(The trains don’t run at all),
They’ve privatised our breathing,
They say our Britain’s ‘Cool’.
 
Our letters come at tea-time,
Some Fat Cat on the make -
If you meet our Dearest Leader
Give him a little shake.
 
Privatised insanely,
Our Britain’s nearly dead -
I wish someone would privatise
This anger in my head!
 
You can read more of Richards work online @
http://www.richardmacwilliam.com/
I highly recommend having a look.
 
My Daughter who understands a lot more about my mental health than I think I ever will.
Thank you.

Friday, 25 January 2013

Decisions...

I've really struggled these last few days.
My problem is that every so often, when the black dog calls, I seem to be helpless against it. No matter what tips and tricks I've learnt from various places, I just seem to get so low, that I find myself constantly thinking about killing myself. Usually after a week, it starts to ease off and I'm back to my usual miserable self.
This week, I've upset my wife, both my sons and my daughter.
It's upsetting my kids that really hurts. It's not their fault Dad is a manic depressive, and usually I manage to keep myself clear of them.
So, here I am. Driven my Daughter to a friends in Liverpool rather than stay here, sat hoping that I really am looking at the end of this session...
Because I really have managed to have a bad week.
So, that's it. Nearly time for bed...

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Now comes the hard part...

For the last few days, I've been really odd. Not sleeping properly, waking early, headaches and all that AFTER a cold.
I know I'm down.
I know I've not to let it get to me.
Problem is that My daughter is here & I really don't want her to see just how bad I am at the moment.
We went out to lunch today. I really am doing my best not to go OTT and give in, and at the moment, I'm winning, but it might go to penalties...
An early night I in order, mainly as I have writing to do, but with a house full, I cant sit here & write all night, so its bed for me & then resume work later.
Managed to slip on the bloody ice as well, so my ankle is REALLY hurting me ATM...
Anyhow, poem time.

Taxidermy
 
An owl hang-gliding in suspended flight,
An arrowheaded fox in mock attack
Beneath a northern pike
Whose pinking shears are open for a fight
That never comes, a lynx's ears pinned back
For some decisive strike. . . .
 
No dove is ever featured in a heap,
No walleye belly up.  This art contrives,
Although the eyes are glass,
To reawaken from their real sleep
Breakneck ferocity when the falcon dives,
Grace in the largemouth bass,
 
And overlooks their fixed, affected stare.
A more organic form would represent
No animal at all,
Its lifetime having melted into air,
But in a fairer attitude present
An empty pedestal.
 
Greg Williamson
 
 
From The Silent Partner, Story Line Press,
© 1994.  Reprinted by permission of the author
and Story Line Press, Ashland, Oregon.

Monday, 14 January 2013

Week one.

And I'm actually still in a good place. Lots of things going awry, but my Wife tells me I've been dealing with them admirably.
However, between Xmas & New year, I went to see my mate for an hour or so & came away with the most stubborn cough/cold known to mankind. Now, my wife is off sick with it, our Youngest is off school with it & I'm still coughing like a banshee and having trouble swallowing, 3 weeks later.
Mentally, I've gotten through the anniversary of my Dad passing & only had a minor panic attack, leading to an earlier night than usual.
I really cant wait for the rugby league season to start up again.
Hull KR are looking like a strong side under Craig Sandercock for this coming season, but living in Manchester, I'm probably going to see more of Salford City Reds than Hull KR this season.
Starting with their friendly against Wigan, I'm really hoping that Salford survive and are able to get through the season.
Anyhow, I promised a poem, & have gone for something a little off the wall to begin with...
As my Dad is no longer here, I urge you to get to know your parents as well as you can, because you're a long time without them.

Enjoy...

Dad
 
He often dreams of what he wants to be
and sleeps just to remember what it’s like:
young, anxious to grow, fresh with fantasy.
He often dreams of what he wants to be.
And when he can’t sleep, drinks, forgets, feels free
to hate the children, raise his hand and strike.
He often dreams of what he wants to be
and sleeps just to remember what it’s like.
Michael T. Young
 © 1997; originally printed in Because the Wind Has
Questions
.  Used by permission of the author.

Sunday, 30 December 2012

2013 will be a tough year.

I already know that the title seems a tad defeatist, but it's not.
It's an admission of how I am going to do my utmost to not let this illness beat me into submission, something I'm certainly guilty of in both 2011 and 12 at times.
Now I'm no longer in Leeds, I have no excuses to allow Muppet's like those at LJHA to get inside my head and let them screw with me for their own pleasure. I am a far better person than ANY of the housing nazi's that tried to drive me to suicide & ignored my mental health.
I owe them less than nothing & I am hoping to move on with my life.
There are 3 fantastic kids in my life, all of whom will need a Dad as they grow up. I hope to a better one than mine was, after all, he was a bit handy with his fists and took every chance he could to put me down!
As it is, I am going to push ahead with my OU studies, attempt at some point to get a part time job somewhere and take my youngest Son to see as much Rugby League as I can get away with.
I'll also try & write at least once a fortnight on here to let people know how I'm doing.
On other weeks, I'm going to post a poem.
Hopefully not one I've written, but one that will inspire and encourage you to go away and find out more about the poet or its subject.
I see this as being a step towards better mental health, not just for me, but those around me as well. My family are the best thing in my life, not just those here in Manchester, but where ever they are in the world. If you see me posting about being down, point me back here and I'll make sure I drag my sorry arse back to as close to normality as I can get.
There are also some very good friends both online & in the real world who deserve a better "me" (for a given value of me) to chat to and get to know.
Manchester was very good to me last time around, My wife seems to be loving it here as well.
So, a tough year ahead?
Yes.
Will I let it defeat me?
NO!

Monday, 15 October 2012

When you can't do your job for fear of arrest

Five marines charged with murder after Afghanistan incident


Royal Marines. I have a great respect for them. My Father was a commando & my best mate's Dad was one.
They are among the finest fighting forces in the world.
Not a patch on the British Infantry soldier, but as a former infantryman, I'm biased.
However, when your in a combat zone (no matter how pointless other people tell you this conflict is) they have a job to do & should be able to do that job without fear of reprisal from their own side, those who should be protecting them.
Even my former boss, Col. Richard Kemp, a former ground commander in Afghanistan has weighed in:  "The case against the troops concerned needs to be set out quickly because there's no question that these kind of allegations will undermine the morale of troops serving in Afghanistan today."
I couldnt agree more.
What must the families of these lads be thinking? After giving everything in a combat zone, they come back to find themselves under suspicion of murder.
What on earth must those troops still in theatre think, knowing that when they return home, they could face prosecution?
Its a thankless job, that the majority of those in the UK dont want to do. Those of us that HAVE chosen to serve in the armed forces did so with dignity and pride. We wanted to do our bit, be it in Northern Ireland, Kuwait or other hotspots around the world as we were asked to do, often at little notice by our masters in Whitehall.
We all knew when we signed on the line & took the Queens cash what we were doing.
The incident has been described as "an engagement with an insurgent", with no civilians involved. Surely, if they are engaging the enemy, then it cannot be murder.
Until the MOD tell everyone the facts as they see them, these lads are innocent.
A Territorial Army soldier was investigated by military officials after shooting dead a suspected Taliban bomber in the Nahr-e-Saraj area of central Helmand in the summer of 2010.
Senior officers believed the man may have been an innocent farmer, but after an 18-month inquiry no charges were brought against Fusilier Duane Knott, who said he had no regrets over his action.
This also goes against what those out there are asked to do. No one is saying that being a soldier is an easy job, its not, its a thankless one where often today, troops return to be spat at and called child killers by people who are allowed to burn poppy wreaths on Armistice day.
We were used to being treat as 2nd class by politicians & the public.
Thankfully, those attitudes are slowly changing, at least in public it seems so. My former unit get back soon and one former member of the regiment is hoping to raise enough money to buy every member of the 1st Bn. Royal Anglians a pint! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-19915473
If you want to help him, there is a link at the bottom of the story.
Defence Secretary Phillip Hammond said he was determined that the rules of engagement were followed in Afghanistan.
‘Everybody serving in theatre knows the rules of engagement, they carry cards in their uniforms with the rules on them in case they should need to remind themselves.
‘I can’t comment on the specifics of this case.
‘We are very determined that rules of engagement will be followed, that any abuse will be dealt with through the normal processes of service justice and that is happening now.’
If that is the case, then where do the Service Prosecuting Authority (SPA) get off with levying the charge of murder?
Most soldiers do not trust politicians, because we realise that all we are to them are pieces on a table, to be sent to die at the whim of someone who hasn't got a clue what we actually do. All we are good for is a photo op, a soundbite and wrapping themselves in a flag of convenience.
If, like me you don't agree with whats going on, sign the petition below:
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/40154
This government and those before it, have treat our armed forces with little more than contempt for decades now.
I recall going on a training exercise and having to shout "BANG" as we had only been given 10 blank rounds for the whole exercise!
We have the best soldiers in the world, but those in charge of procurement are determined to give us kit that is below par unless they are getting a nice little back hander...
Never has the following been so true where the British Forces are concerned:

“We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing.”

We past and present members of the Armed Forces are eternally proud to have served. We just wish those back home were a little more grateful for the job we aredoing or did as we were asked to do.
I quite welcome comments on this.
In a nutshell, these lads have been shafted in my opinion. We have a government who couldnt care less about them, no matter what they say in public and a public who still dont fully understand the job that the forces have to do on a daily basis.