2013 will be a tough year.

I already know that the title seems a tad defeatist, but it's not.
It's an admission of how I am going to do my utmost to not let this illness beat me into submission, something I'm certainly guilty of in both 2011 and 12 at times.
Now I'm no longer in Leeds, I have no excuses to allow Muppet's like those at LJHA to get inside my head and let them screw with me for their own pleasure. I am a far better person than ANY of the housing nazi's that tried to drive me to suicide & ignored my mental health.
I owe them less than nothing & I am hoping to move on with my life.
There are 3 fantastic kids in my life, all of whom will need a Dad as they grow up. I hope to a better one than mine was, after all, he was a bit handy with his fists and took every chance he could to put me down!
As it is, I am going to push ahead with my OU studies, attempt at some point to get a part time job somewhere and take my youngest Son to see as much Rugby League as I can get away with.
I'll also try & write at least once a fortnight on here to let people know how I'm doing.
On other weeks, I'm going to post a poem.
Hopefully not one I've written, but one that will inspire and encourage you to go away and find out more about the poet or its subject.
I see this as being a step towards better mental health, not just for me, but those around me as well. My family are the best thing in my life, not just those here in Manchester, but where ever they are in the world. If you see me posting about being down, point me back here and I'll make sure I drag my sorry arse back to as close to normality as I can get.
There are also some very good friends both online & in the real world who deserve a better "me" (for a given value of me) to chat to and get to know.
Manchester was very good to me last time around, My wife seems to be loving it here as well.
So, a tough year ahead?
Yes.
Will I let it defeat me?
NO!

well, thats that over!

40.
Just a number right?
Bollocks.
Its all down hill from here & it wasn't that difficult a climb to get here.
Since Saturday, I've been pretty middling about everything then today, the NHS decide to call me to ask if I want my complaint investigating or do I just want other peoples live put at risk and allow incompetence/mistakes to carry on.
If I weren't so crap at suicide, I wouldn't be here now to moan, but as I am, let the moaning begin.
Less than 5 minutes after the 40 minute call from the NHS, my youngest tells me he lost his mobile phone 2 days ago.
and he wondered why I was upset!!!
Worse still the fuck wit that passes herself of as his mother wanted to get him another!!!
Not while the hole in my arse points down!
He tried to blame everyone but take the fault himself.
Worst thin is at his age, I was coming home & cooking a family meal for 3 as my mother had left my father, my brother & me to get on with it.
He did his best, he went out to work when he could get any then come home & beat the crap out of the two of us...I gave up telling teachers I fell over or bumped into something.
My brother turned to drugs & I just fucked off at 16 to join up.
There are times when I envy him for taking the drug route, not that I am whiter than white, but...
So, here I am.
40 & fucked.
I dont feel like carrying on, but I know I have to. I am going into CBT therapy next month and hope it has an effect, because if not, I dont know if I can keep things level year on year for much longer.
Had a nice night tonight though, went to see Jason Feddy and Patst Matherson play at the 7 arts centre in chapel allerton.
Singley, they are great, but together they were brilliant.
Pix above...