I really am at a low point. I have had some real energy boosts over the last few weeks, but looking back they have been an hour or 2 long, & accompanied by a crash a few hours later. This morning, after a night of Trazadone, Zopiclone & Gabapentin, I only just woke long enough to wake our youngest for school before I went back to sleep until 10am.
This is embarrassing for me, to get up so late in the day.
I lay there for a while, seriously thinking that I'd be better off dead, before I finally hauled myself downstairs.
I hope this is just one of those lows that will just fuck off eventually, but I am getting the feeling that this is going on a bit too long.
I have the good patches for a few hours, but the smallest thing is tipping me over the edge at times.
I can sit here weeping like a baby & then laughing my nuts off 5 minutes later at something stupid.
Here I am at gone 10.30, pills taken & they are not kicking in yet, so I cant get to sleep...
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Famous people are ill as well you know!
There are people out there who will look & read about the two attempted suicides of famous people, and wonder, “what have they got to feel suicidal about?”
There are some people who still don’t understand mental illness and how easily it is for someone to have a happy go lucky exterior, yet feel totally bereft of life internally. One of the major drawbacks to mental health is the fact that because no one can actually see you’re ill, they assume everything is OK. For the vast majority of people with bi-polar on the right medication, we spend our days controlling the lows (and the highs) so that we “fit in” with what society expects us to be like, often hiding our illness from the world because we are afraid of how we will be judged if it were to be discovered just how bad it can get at times.
I myself have tried to complete suicide on a number of occasions.
Note the use of the word “Complete” and not “Commit”. That’s because suicide is no longer a crime in the UK, and the use of the word commit has a criminal overtone to it. It’s been altered so as to make suicidal people who attempt and fail less like criminals during recovery, not that you’d notice from the continued use of commit in the media, who, let’s face it, are happy in the main to actually make those with mental illness feel like criminals at times.
Take Stephen Fry, all those who still ask the question at the very start of this are the ones with very little actual contact with the mentally ill. Or so they think. One in four people WILL suffer from an episode of mental illness at some point, so look around you, chances are, that one of those you love and care about has either had an episode and not said anything, or will have one.
The other famous person to attempt to complete suicide was Paris Jackson. Now, there is someone who really has had a lot to deal with. Losing a parent at the age she did is hard enough, but when that person is the king of pop and your family are going through the courts to prove that he was killed by an inept Dr, then you can see where the pressure is coming from to not only try to have a childhood, but to live in the shadow of your now deceased parent.
My turning point was being offered a course in Mental Health first aid in 2011 and also taking the STEPS (http://www.pacificinstitute.co.uk/solutions/steps/) course (http://www.commlinks.co.uk/Sites/Training/events/clinical-risk-assessment) that although isn’t designed to stop me from suicide, but more to be able to recognise the early stages of wanting to complete in others and to help them stay safe and free from harm has allowed me to see in myself when a problem is arising and to head it off by giving me the tools to cope with and overcome to a certain degree my depression. That’s not to say I don’t get depressed, far from it, My bi-polar is as bad as ever, but by taking my meds, having a caring & loving group of family and friends who I know I can trust and talk to, I get through the worst of it without doing too much damage to either myself or those around me.
So, before you ask why someone who may appear to have everything would want to end their life, just stop and think about mental illness and how it affects different people in different ways, then look and see if anyone you know might need your help coping…
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Some people just dont know when they have it good...
I've just heard about a bloke, in Leeds, who had a job. Great firm, really nice boss, but rather than get into work on time, he used to turn up late & always had a ready excuse for not being there.
Until he got fired.
Now, I'm no expert, but lets face it, if you have a job in today's climate, then you really should look after it. After all, people like me who would love to go out to work, but at the moment cant, would really appreciate a regular pay cheque once a month.
And then he called the firm up & begged for his job back as he needed a steady income to be able to have his fiancé brought to the UK...
What a tosser!
If he'd any respect for the firm & the job, he'd have been on time every day, done his work & buggered off at home time like normal people, but no, stroll in at gone 10, excuse at the ready.
It really makes me sick that twats like that even get offered jobs...Nothing to do with race, colour or creed, just a lazy bastard who didn't care about his work colleagues or the firm he worked for.
Ah well, fuck it.
I'll get off my soap box & let you look at the poem....
A Riddle
Until he got fired.
Now, I'm no expert, but lets face it, if you have a job in today's climate, then you really should look after it. After all, people like me who would love to go out to work, but at the moment cant, would really appreciate a regular pay cheque once a month.
And then he called the firm up & begged for his job back as he needed a steady income to be able to have his fiancé brought to the UK...
What a tosser!
If he'd any respect for the firm & the job, he'd have been on time every day, done his work & buggered off at home time like normal people, but no, stroll in at gone 10, excuse at the ready.
It really makes me sick that twats like that even get offered jobs...Nothing to do with race, colour or creed, just a lazy bastard who didn't care about his work colleagues or the firm he worked for.
Ah well, fuck it.
I'll get off my soap box & let you look at the poem....
A Riddle
This sickness thirsts, but hates desire,
Chills when it burns, but is not fire;
Sweet-tasting to the fair and just,
But once it catches, sour as dust;
Pretends to free the human race,
Makes monsters of the human face;
Corrupts the meaning of the mother,
Turns he and she against each other;
Twists truth into an ancient lie,
But has no shame to testify;
Servile, despising those who serve,
Seeking what it would not deserve;
Cyst upon the human heart,
Canker of science and of art;
Gives love a new excuse to hate,
Envies the power to create,
And yet can only imitate.
What is it?
Frederick Turner
From Hadean Eclogues, Story Line Press,
© 1999. Reprinted by permission of the author.
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Education, education, education.
Well, I had a really bad swing this time. Biggest problem was the timing of it. It coincided with the visit of my Daughter before her return to University. Sorry Sami.
All three of my kids are very good, but Sami has seen it at more of an arms length growing up with her Mum and has a very different perspective of me.
When I'm low, I am one miserable basket. There are those who would say that's my normal state, but they're wrong. I really am a fairly happy bloke most of the time. I'm back to level at the moment, which means that my studying with the OU is on track (2000 words, For what reasons and to what extent did the classicising traditions of high art dominate European visual culture between c.1750 and c.1830? In your answer you should make close reference to Reynolds, Discourses and Winckelmann, Reflections on the Painting and Sculpture of the Greeks (Reader Texts 4.13.1 and 4.14.1).)
and although its a lot of reading, I think I'm making headway with the research and am ahead of the curve so far.
What's painful is the Government are trying to stop ALL funding for mature students over the coming years. This is one of their stupider ideas out of a large pool of stupid ideas that they dip into.
For me, studying with the OU is a lifeline that keeps me going. When I'm down, its one of the things I look forward too and when I'm on a high, its a great thing to keep me from doing anything daft myself.
I cant go out to work at the moment, so whats wrong with allowing people to improve themselves whilst they are sat at home? Surely, its better to learn than to do nothing but sit and watch daytime TV or play video games? Hell, they could even set up classrooms INSIDE Job centre's and allow people to study in there for a few hours a week whilst job hunting.
Or is an educated workforce not something the Tory's want to see?
An educated workforce is one that's productive, motivated and highly employable. Where as a group of people left on a scrap heap to fester and given no motivation at all are unlikely to want to go to work.
I'm not saying everyone should be educated to degree level, because no matter what your political persuasion, not everyone is academically minded, but if the Government funded courses in basic trades as well, we could build our way out the recession as well as educate a whole generation that learning is a life long legacy.
When Labour decided to introduce tuition fees, they effectively made certain that whole swathes of the population would no longer be given the chance to get themselves educated to a higher degree than just basic GCSE level.
This came from a cabinet who had ALL gone to university for free...Talk about pulling the ladder up behind you!
Now we have a government full of millionaires who would rather give tax breaks to their mates than actually look at the reason we're in recession and sort it out.
There is no way that just cuts will make up for years of Labour malaise.
Anyway, I don't have the solution to this countries woes, but it seems neither do out political classes. All three main parties are run by millionaires who don't care for the man on the street.
Today's poem....
All three of my kids are very good, but Sami has seen it at more of an arms length growing up with her Mum and has a very different perspective of me.
When I'm low, I am one miserable basket. There are those who would say that's my normal state, but they're wrong. I really am a fairly happy bloke most of the time. I'm back to level at the moment, which means that my studying with the OU is on track (2000 words, For what reasons and to what extent did the classicising traditions of high art dominate European visual culture between c.1750 and c.1830? In your answer you should make close reference to Reynolds, Discourses and Winckelmann, Reflections on the Painting and Sculpture of the Greeks (Reader Texts 4.13.1 and 4.14.1).)
and although its a lot of reading, I think I'm making headway with the research and am ahead of the curve so far.
What's painful is the Government are trying to stop ALL funding for mature students over the coming years. This is one of their stupider ideas out of a large pool of stupid ideas that they dip into.
For me, studying with the OU is a lifeline that keeps me going. When I'm down, its one of the things I look forward too and when I'm on a high, its a great thing to keep me from doing anything daft myself.
I cant go out to work at the moment, so whats wrong with allowing people to improve themselves whilst they are sat at home? Surely, its better to learn than to do nothing but sit and watch daytime TV or play video games? Hell, they could even set up classrooms INSIDE Job centre's and allow people to study in there for a few hours a week whilst job hunting.
Or is an educated workforce not something the Tory's want to see?
An educated workforce is one that's productive, motivated and highly employable. Where as a group of people left on a scrap heap to fester and given no motivation at all are unlikely to want to go to work.
I'm not saying everyone should be educated to degree level, because no matter what your political persuasion, not everyone is academically minded, but if the Government funded courses in basic trades as well, we could build our way out the recession as well as educate a whole generation that learning is a life long legacy.
When Labour decided to introduce tuition fees, they effectively made certain that whole swathes of the population would no longer be given the chance to get themselves educated to a higher degree than just basic GCSE level.
This came from a cabinet who had ALL gone to university for free...Talk about pulling the ladder up behind you!
Now we have a government full of millionaires who would rather give tax breaks to their mates than actually look at the reason we're in recession and sort it out.
There is no way that just cuts will make up for years of Labour malaise.
Anyway, I don't have the solution to this countries woes, but it seems neither do out political classes. All three main parties are run by millionaires who don't care for the man on the street.
Today's poem....
F*ckedBritain.com
By
The trains don’t run on time
(The trains don’t run at all),
They’ve privatised our breathing,
They say our Britain’s ‘Cool’.
(The trains don’t run at all),
They’ve privatised our breathing,
They say our Britain’s ‘Cool’.
Our letters come at tea-time,
Some Fat Cat on the make -
If you meet our Dearest Leader
Give him a little shake.
Some Fat Cat on the make -
If you meet our Dearest Leader
Give him a little shake.
Privatised insanely,
Our Britain’s nearly dead -
I wish someone would privatise
This anger in my head!
Our Britain’s nearly dead -
I wish someone would privatise
This anger in my head!
You can read more of Richards work online @
I highly recommend having a look.
My Daughter who understands a lot more about my mental health than I think I ever will.
Thank you.
Friday, 25 January 2013
Decisions...
I've really struggled these last few days.
My problem is that every so often, when the black dog calls, I seem to be helpless against it. No matter what tips and tricks I've learnt from various places, I just seem to get so low, that I find myself constantly thinking about killing myself. Usually after a week, it starts to ease off and I'm back to my usual miserable self.
This week, I've upset my wife, both my sons and my daughter.
It's upsetting my kids that really hurts. It's not their fault Dad is a manic depressive, and usually I manage to keep myself clear of them.
So, here I am. Driven my Daughter to a friends in Liverpool rather than stay here, sat hoping that I really am looking at the end of this session...
Because I really have managed to have a bad week.
So, that's it. Nearly time for bed...
My problem is that every so often, when the black dog calls, I seem to be helpless against it. No matter what tips and tricks I've learnt from various places, I just seem to get so low, that I find myself constantly thinking about killing myself. Usually after a week, it starts to ease off and I'm back to my usual miserable self.
This week, I've upset my wife, both my sons and my daughter.
It's upsetting my kids that really hurts. It's not their fault Dad is a manic depressive, and usually I manage to keep myself clear of them.
So, here I am. Driven my Daughter to a friends in Liverpool rather than stay here, sat hoping that I really am looking at the end of this session...
Because I really have managed to have a bad week.
So, that's it. Nearly time for bed...
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Now comes the hard part...
For the last few days, I've been really odd. Not sleeping properly, waking early, headaches and all that AFTER a cold.
I know I'm down.
I know I've not to let it get to me.
Problem is that My daughter is here & I really don't want her to see just how bad I am at the moment.
We went out to lunch today. I really am doing my best not to go OTT and give in, and at the moment, I'm winning, but it might go to penalties...
An early night I in order, mainly as I have writing to do, but with a house full, I cant sit here & write all night, so its bed for me & then resume work later.
Managed to slip on the bloody ice as well, so my ankle is REALLY hurting me ATM...
Anyhow, poem time.
Taxidermy
I know I'm down.
I know I've not to let it get to me.
Problem is that My daughter is here & I really don't want her to see just how bad I am at the moment.
We went out to lunch today. I really am doing my best not to go OTT and give in, and at the moment, I'm winning, but it might go to penalties...
An early night I in order, mainly as I have writing to do, but with a house full, I cant sit here & write all night, so its bed for me & then resume work later.
Managed to slip on the bloody ice as well, so my ankle is REALLY hurting me ATM...
Anyhow, poem time.
Taxidermy
An owl hang-gliding in suspended flight,
An arrowheaded fox in mock attack
Beneath a northern pike
Whose pinking shears are open for a fight
That never comes, a lynx's ears pinned back
For some decisive strike. . . .
No dove is ever featured in a heap,
No walleye belly up. This art contrives,
Although the eyes are glass,
To reawaken from their real sleep
Breakneck ferocity when the falcon dives,
Grace in the largemouth bass,
And overlooks their fixed, affected stare.
A more organic form would represent
No animal at all,
Its lifetime having melted into air,
But in a fairer attitude present
An empty pedestal.
Greg Williamson
From The Silent Partner, Story Line Press,
© 1994. Reprinted by permission of the author
and Story Line Press, Ashland, Oregon.
and Story Line Press, Ashland, Oregon.
Monday, 14 January 2013
Week one.
And I'm actually still in a good place. Lots of things going awry, but my Wife tells me I've been dealing with them admirably.
However, between Xmas & New year, I went to see my mate for an hour or so & came away with the most stubborn cough/cold known to mankind. Now, my wife is off sick with it, our Youngest is off school with it & I'm still coughing like a banshee and having trouble swallowing, 3 weeks later.
Mentally, I've gotten through the anniversary of my Dad passing & only had a minor panic attack, leading to an earlier night than usual.
I really cant wait for the rugby league season to start up again.
Hull KR are looking like a strong side under Craig Sandercock for this coming season, but living in Manchester, I'm probably going to see more of Salford City Reds than Hull KR this season.
Starting with their friendly against Wigan, I'm really hoping that Salford survive and are able to get through the season.
Anyhow, I promised a poem, & have gone for something a little off the wall to begin with...
As my Dad is no longer here, I urge you to get to know your parents as well as you can, because you're a long time without them.
Enjoy...
Dad
However, between Xmas & New year, I went to see my mate for an hour or so & came away with the most stubborn cough/cold known to mankind. Now, my wife is off sick with it, our Youngest is off school with it & I'm still coughing like a banshee and having trouble swallowing, 3 weeks later.
Mentally, I've gotten through the anniversary of my Dad passing & only had a minor panic attack, leading to an earlier night than usual.
I really cant wait for the rugby league season to start up again.
Hull KR are looking like a strong side under Craig Sandercock for this coming season, but living in Manchester, I'm probably going to see more of Salford City Reds than Hull KR this season.
Starting with their friendly against Wigan, I'm really hoping that Salford survive and are able to get through the season.
Anyhow, I promised a poem, & have gone for something a little off the wall to begin with...
As my Dad is no longer here, I urge you to get to know your parents as well as you can, because you're a long time without them.
Enjoy...
Dad
He often dreams of what he wants to be
and sleeps just to remember what it’s like:
young, anxious to grow, fresh with fantasy.
He often dreams of what he wants to be.
And when he can’t sleep, drinks, forgets, feels free
to hate the children, raise his hand and strike.
He often dreams of what he wants to be
and sleeps just to remember what it’s like.
Michael T. Young
© 1997; originally printed in Because the Wind Has
Questions. Used by permission of the author.
Questions. Used by permission of the author.
Sunday, 30 December 2012
2013 will be a tough year.
I already know that the title seems a tad defeatist, but it's not.
It's an admission of how I am going to do my utmost to not let this illness beat me into submission, something I'm certainly guilty of in both 2011 and 12 at times.
Now I'm no longer in Leeds, I have no excuses to allow Muppet's like those at LJHA to get inside my head and let them screw with me for their own pleasure. I am a far better person than ANY of the housing nazi's that tried to drive me to suicide & ignored my mental health.
I owe them less than nothing & I am hoping to move on with my life.
There are 3 fantastic kids in my life, all of whom will need a Dad as they grow up. I hope to a better one than mine was, after all, he was a bit handy with his fists and took every chance he could to put me down!
As it is, I am going to push ahead with my OU studies, attempt at some point to get a part time job somewhere and take my youngest Son to see as much Rugby League as I can get away with.
I'll also try & write at least once a fortnight on here to let people know how I'm doing.
On other weeks, I'm going to post a poem.
Hopefully not one I've written, but one that will inspire and encourage you to go away and find out more about the poet or its subject.
I see this as being a step towards better mental health, not just for me, but those around me as well. My family are the best thing in my life, not just those here in Manchester, but where ever they are in the world. If you see me posting about being down, point me back here and I'll make sure I drag my sorry arse back to as close to normality as I can get.
There are also some very good friends both online & in the real world who deserve a better "me" (for a given value of me) to chat to and get to know.
Manchester was very good to me last time around, My wife seems to be loving it here as well.
So, a tough year ahead?
Yes.
Will I let it defeat me?
NO!
It's an admission of how I am going to do my utmost to not let this illness beat me into submission, something I'm certainly guilty of in both 2011 and 12 at times.
Now I'm no longer in Leeds, I have no excuses to allow Muppet's like those at LJHA to get inside my head and let them screw with me for their own pleasure. I am a far better person than ANY of the housing nazi's that tried to drive me to suicide & ignored my mental health.
I owe them less than nothing & I am hoping to move on with my life.
There are 3 fantastic kids in my life, all of whom will need a Dad as they grow up. I hope to a better one than mine was, after all, he was a bit handy with his fists and took every chance he could to put me down!
As it is, I am going to push ahead with my OU studies, attempt at some point to get a part time job somewhere and take my youngest Son to see as much Rugby League as I can get away with.
I'll also try & write at least once a fortnight on here to let people know how I'm doing.
On other weeks, I'm going to post a poem.
Hopefully not one I've written, but one that will inspire and encourage you to go away and find out more about the poet or its subject.
I see this as being a step towards better mental health, not just for me, but those around me as well. My family are the best thing in my life, not just those here in Manchester, but where ever they are in the world. If you see me posting about being down, point me back here and I'll make sure I drag my sorry arse back to as close to normality as I can get.
There are also some very good friends both online & in the real world who deserve a better "me" (for a given value of me) to chat to and get to know.
Manchester was very good to me last time around, My wife seems to be loving it here as well.
So, a tough year ahead?
Yes.
Will I let it defeat me?
NO!
Monday, 15 October 2012
When you can't do your job for fear of arrest
Five marines charged with murder after Afghanistan incident
Royal Marines. I have a great respect for them. My Father was a commando & my best mate's Dad was one.
They are among the finest fighting forces in the world.
Not a patch on the British Infantry soldier, but as a former infantryman, I'm biased.
However, when your in a combat zone (no matter how pointless other people tell you this conflict is) they have a job to do & should be able to do that job without fear of reprisal from their own side, those who should be protecting them.
Even my former boss, Col. Richard Kemp, a former ground commander in Afghanistan has weighed in: "The case against the troops concerned needs to be set out quickly because there's no question that these kind of allegations will undermine the morale of troops serving in Afghanistan today."
I couldnt agree more.
What must the families of these lads be thinking? After giving everything in a combat zone, they come back to find themselves under suspicion of murder.
What on earth must those troops still in theatre think, knowing that when they return home, they could face prosecution?
Its a thankless job, that the majority of those in the UK dont want to do. Those of us that HAVE chosen to serve in the armed forces did so with dignity and pride. We wanted to do our bit, be it in Northern Ireland, Kuwait or other hotspots around the world as we were asked to do, often at little notice by our masters in Whitehall.
We all knew when we signed on the line & took the Queens cash what we were doing.
The incident has been described as "an engagement with an insurgent", with no civilians involved. Surely, if they are engaging the enemy, then it cannot be murder.
Until the MOD tell everyone the facts as they see them, these lads are innocent.
A Territorial Army soldier was investigated by military officials after shooting dead a suspected Taliban bomber in the Nahr-e-Saraj area of central Helmand in the summer of 2010.
Senior officers believed the man may have been an innocent farmer, but after an 18-month inquiry no charges were brought against Fusilier Duane Knott, who said he had no regrets over his action.
This also goes against what those out there are asked to do. No one is saying that being a soldier is an easy job, its not, its a thankless one where often today, troops return to be spat at and called child killers by people who are allowed to burn poppy wreaths on Armistice day.
We were used to being treat as 2nd class by politicians & the public.
Thankfully, those attitudes are slowly changing, at least in public it seems so. My former unit get back soon and one former member of the regiment is hoping to raise enough money to buy every member of the 1st Bn. Royal Anglians a pint! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-19915473
If you want to help him, there is a link at the bottom of the story.
Defence Secretary Phillip Hammond said he was determined that the rules of engagement were followed in Afghanistan.
‘Everybody serving in theatre knows the rules of engagement, they carry cards in their uniforms with the rules on them in case they should need to remind themselves.
‘I can’t comment on the specifics of this case.
‘We are very determined that rules of engagement will be followed, that any abuse will be dealt with through the normal processes of service justice and that is happening now.’
If that is the case, then where do the Service Prosecuting Authority (SPA) get off with levying the charge of murder?
Most soldiers do not trust politicians, because we realise that all we are to them are pieces on a table, to be sent to die at the whim of someone who hasn't got a clue what we actually do. All we are good for is a photo op, a soundbite and wrapping themselves in a flag of convenience.
If, like me you don't agree with whats going on, sign the petition below:
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/40154
This government and those before it, have treat our armed forces with little more than contempt for decades now.
I recall going on a training exercise and having to shout "BANG" as we had only been given 10 blank rounds for the whole exercise!
We have the best soldiers in the world, but those in charge of procurement are determined to give us kit that is below par unless they are getting a nice little back hander...
Never has the following been so true where the British Forces are concerned:
“We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing.”
We past and present members of the Armed Forces are eternally proud to have served. We just wish those back home were a little more grateful for the job we aredoing or did as we were asked to do.I quite welcome comments on this.
In a nutshell, these lads have been shafted in my opinion. We have a government who couldnt care less about them, no matter what they say in public and a public who still dont fully understand the job that the forces have to do on a daily basis.
Friday, 21 October 2011
My Favourite piece of music by...
Carter, The unstoppable Sex Machine.
Now, I decided to kick off a series of blogs about music after spending a few hours putting together a playlist for the car.
As for starting with Carter, well, they are playing a couple of sold out gigs soon & I have been a fan since I was 17 and first heard “Sheriff Fatman” on the radio. That, however, isn’t my all time favourite track. Billy’s Smart Circus has that honour. Its as good and means as much today as it did the day it was recorded.
And it’s saved my life, more than once.
For me, music is the most wonderful invention of mankind. It evokes so many different emotions in people and is always evolving. What my Father listened to in the late 50′s is very different to what my 10-year-old wants to listen to today.
One thing I can’t abide is the music snob.
You all know at least one, who wont listen to Rap because they think it’s all about guns & violence, or the one who wont listen to Folk as it’s all hippy shit…Or the prog rock fan who thinks music died in the late 70′s.
I can honestly say, I will listen to anything. over 37000 tracks on my hard drive attest to that! There is stuff from all sorts of eras and genres in there.
I’m kicking off with Carter as they were the soundtrack to my youth.
So, of everything they put to record, how did this track come to mean so much to me?
Well, for someone who was a serving Soldier when I first heard it, and someone who was having difficulty with the old “does god exist” question, it really touched a chord with me.
Have a read of the lyrics (BELOW) & I’ll see you on the other side:
Read them? Good. Watched the You Tube clip? Even better.
I suffer with quite severe bi-polar and some of the low’s I experience have left me suicidal. I have tried a few times, but it’s just another thing I’m just no good at…
“To Die for his mother Country, isn’t every fathers wish” Well, it was in our house. Dad was a Royal Marine, Grandad was a Master at Arms in the Navy, so my joining up was a foregone conclusion. Dont get me wrong. I loved the Army. I made mates I still have to this day, indeed I work for my regiments museum in my spare time, recording the tales of former members for posterity, but after a while, I was a little disenchanted with the bullying & racism that I saw going on. I also saw a lot of the work going on to eradicate such problems, but it was going to be a very hard road for some to take.
I would dearly have loved to be a rebel, but it was out of the question for me. For me, rebelling was about the music I listened to. Transvision Vamp, Carter and PWEI were just some of the bands that shaped my musical youth. This track stands out for me on a magnificent album because of its lyrical content.
20 years on & we have both Labour and Tory parties, happier with a part privatised NHS (Bullied beat up cabbaged kids,To be patched up by the nurse,Who’s carrying the baggage in,For the private patients first) than the option of a health service that is equal for everyone. I’m not against Dr’s making money, but it shouldnt be at the cost of NHS patients being shoved onto waiting lists that are growing ever longer.
Luckily, the fashion of celebrities finding god when they’re caught with a bag of class A or a hooker seem to be over (As the actress said to the bishop ”I stand accused, your grace of the 7 deadly cynicisms and a total lack of faith). These days they turn to the temple of spin to make out that they had a troubled childhood/abusive parents/were cut up by a bad driver and that’s why they turned to drugs/hookers/little boys in their time of need.
Either that or claim to have bi-polar…
Whilst I accept there are many celebrities who will actually have the illness, if there was a cure that took 2 weeks, I’d have sold all I own to take it. It does seem to be the fashionable illness of choice for today’s “wannabe” celeb.
We didn’t quite have the under funded OAP’s turning to a life of crime this year, it was a supposedly disenfranchised youth who turned to it. The great Playstation robberies of 2011 (Underfunded O.A.P.s turn to life of crime the great cucumber robberies of 1989 Send ‘em down and bang ‘em up in a South London maisonette Unlicensed and unregistered it shouldn’t happen to a vet). I’m not passing judgement on those who did riot in the UK, but I do want to know why it happened. I know all about the Mark Duggan killing in Tottenham sparking the problems there, but why did Salford riot? Did Mr Duggan have family in Birmingham who felt left out & decided to join in? Surely these are the questions that need asking, Why did it happen & why did people feel the need to turn up in wheelchairs to steal a TV…Once again, we sent ‘em down & banged ‘em up, but tried to take away their maisonette/flat/house as a consequence of breaking the law. How was removing someone’s place of residence justice? Surely, that’s what the prison sentence was for?
This song is as relevant today as it was on the day it was written.
For me though, it’s the chorus that has saved me more than once. That set of words (And if I put this gun against my head
And pull the trigger I’ll be dead But if I listen to my heart It says, Billy that ain’t smart So I’ll do something else instead) has helped me get up from my malaise and force myself to actually look at myself and realise that killing myself is not going to be the answer to my problems.
And pull the trigger I’ll be dead But if I listen to my heart It says, Billy that ain’t smart So I’ll do something else instead) has helped me get up from my malaise and force myself to actually look at myself and realise that killing myself is not going to be the answer to my problems.
I’m certain Jim Bob & Fruitbat will be rightly proud of every Carter track, but for me, this one stands head and shoulders above the others.
I have also been saved by a friend who s a Vicar, but that’s another story & I still don’t believe in god…
To die for his mother country
Isn`t every father`s wish
But if you7re ever feeling hungry
Feast your eyes on this
Bullied beat up cabbaged kids
To be patched up by the nurse
Who`s carrying the baggage in
For the private patients first
And the doctor`s praying to Buddha,
`Send me to another town!`
A shovelful of sugar
Won`t help that medicine go down
As the actress said to the bishop
I stand accused your Grace
Of the seven deadly cynicisms
And a total lack of faith
Isn`t every father`s wish
But if you7re ever feeling hungry
Feast your eyes on this
Bullied beat up cabbaged kids
To be patched up by the nurse
Who`s carrying the baggage in
For the private patients first
And the doctor`s praying to Buddha,
`Send me to another town!`
A shovelful of sugar
Won`t help that medicine go down
As the actress said to the bishop
I stand accused your Grace
Of the seven deadly cynicisms
And a total lack of faith
CHORUS
And if I put this gun against my head
And pull the trigger I`ll be dead
But if I listen to my heart
It says, Billy that ain`t smart
So I`ll do something else instead
And if I put this gun against my head
And pull the trigger I`ll be dead
But if I listen to my heart
It says, Billy that ain`t smart
So I`ll do something else instead
(Billy`s smart, Billy`s smart
Circus for the bleeding heaarts
Feed the world, heal the sick
Take the piss out of the shit
Live your life without a net
Stick your head down the lion`s neck
And listen to the people cheer
Send in the clowns
Don`t bother they`re here)
To die for his mother`s country
Isn`t every father`s wish
But if you`re ever feeling hungry
Feast your eyes on this
Under funded O.A.P.`s
Turn to life of crime
The great cucumber robberies of 1989
Send `em down and bang `2m up
In a South London maisonette
Unlicensed and unregistered
It shouldn`t happen to a vet
As the actress said to the bishop
The rabbi and the priest
My eyes have seen the glory
I`m a born again atheist
Circus for the bleeding heaarts
Feed the world, heal the sick
Take the piss out of the shit
Live your life without a net
Stick your head down the lion`s neck
And listen to the people cheer
Send in the clowns
Don`t bother they`re here)
To die for his mother`s country
Isn`t every father`s wish
But if you`re ever feeling hungry
Feast your eyes on this
Under funded O.A.P.`s
Turn to life of crime
The great cucumber robberies of 1989
Send `em down and bang `2m up
In a South London maisonette
Unlicensed and unregistered
It shouldn`t happen to a vet
As the actress said to the bishop
The rabbi and the priest
My eyes have seen the glory
I`m a born again atheist
And if I put this gun against my head
And pull the trigger I`ll be dead
But if I listen to my heart
It says, Bill that ain`t smart
So I`ll shoot someone else instead
And pull the trigger I`ll be dead
But if I listen to my heart
It says, Bill that ain`t smart
So I`ll shoot someone else instead
Saturday, 8 October 2011
I hate the world, but cant die.
I don't want to die, I just cant stand my life when I get these long, protracted bi-polar lows.
Really, this one is long because I went and pushed myself to hard into something I needed to do, which was write an article for a magazine.
Rather than rest as I knew I had to after a very hard 36 hours, I was unable to sleep & couldn't get the rest I now needed.
I compounded this by going ahead with a radio show I had promised someone, when I could have put it off.
I also arranged to guest on a show for someone as part of a series he is doing (discussing my mental issues) called "living with". Later the same day, I went and recorded my own show.
I was already chinstrapped, but then took on a commission to script a corporate on line video for a local firm.
Basically, I pushed myself far too hard and am now paying the price.
I cant sleep, relax or eat properly.
No matter what I do, I am in a low that I just cant shake off, and that's all it needs is shaking off. Putting into practice techniques and tricks I've picked up does usually make it that easy.
I'm now well into week 3 of this one.
One of the reasons I let myself slip so deep was the fact we are moving home. Normally a stressful thing in itself, but add in limited mobility, a housing association with very little care for its residents well being or needs and a home at the bottom of a 100 foot long 1:16 hill and you can see why I began to give up.
My wife has (as usual) been an absolute rock.
So, here I am, 5am, not quite as wide awake as I have been, but still unable to sleep.
I don't want to die, I just cant go on living like this. I console myself that once we do move, the association have grudgingly agreed to fit an access gate to allow me level access out of the property, and we will be tucked away in a corner of a cul de sac, away from most of the nosey, gossiping and back stabbing people that also live here.
Problem is, I have neither the energy nor inclination to move house.
What do I do?
I cant go on like this, but I cant take lithium as it kills any ability I have to think straight and put that into my writing.
The other prescribed options just don't work for me.
I have to listen when my wife tells me I'm over reacting, but I was that bad today, I couldn't even cook & told her before she left for work. She asked me to take something out & she would cook it.
She promptly came in and asked me to do it.
I lost it.
This was the wrong reaction, but I really was at my wits end. I had deliberately taken out "fast food". Chicken Goujons. Toss some chips in the actifry & Robert is your mothers brother.
But she wanted to go to the local shops to buy a pack of cards for some swap game for the youngest.
I ended up crying like a baby.
I feel like a failure because I am unable to go out to work and contribute to the house.
OK, I do my show, but apart from that, I am stuck in the house, unable to get out because of stairs, and unable to cope because I'm missing parts of my brain.
Problem is I get frustrated because I cant do the things that most people take for granted.
I want to go out, get a job, earn a little, even if for now its part time, but weeks like this make me realise just how far away I am from even taking this little step forward.
So what do I do?
I really don't know anymore, and that scares me. I know I am capable of slipping deeper and then doing something stupid.
I know I can stop myself from doing that, but I am also scared tha tI wont care if I go on much longer.
Last time, the police had to handcuff me to get me to the ambulance.
I know I have coping mechanisms in place now that I didn't have then, but can they stand up to this prolonged low?
Only time will tell I suppose.
Monday, 26 September 2011
living with bi polar: OK,We have 3 party leaders of our main political ...
living with bi polar: OK,
We have 3 party leaders of our main political ...: OK, We have 3 party leaders of our main political parties, non of whom have ever had to live in the "real" world of having to save for a sch...
We have 3 party leaders of our main political ...: OK, We have 3 party leaders of our main political parties, non of whom have ever had to live in the "real" world of having to save for a sch...
OK,
We have 3 party leaders of our main political parties, non of whom have ever had to live in the "real" world of having to save for a school trip for kids or wonder where the money will come from for school uniform.
How can we let these pampered & privileged people who haven't got a clue how the people in the street feel or in some cases have to struggle day run the country?
We need people in charge who have had to struggle at times, who remember what its like to worry and even if they are now very wealthy, are willing to look back and remember what it was like.
I'm sure that all 3 parties do have people like that, but they are kept in the dark by those "professional" politico's who have now all but taken over the system and the parties and who decide who gets what job & when, based on who they know or went to school with.
How is this approach good for the country as a whole?
It means we are led by a bunch of rich posh boys who are all looking out for the vested interests of other posh boys.
Lets look at them one by one...
Ed Milliband
Son of immigrants. Nice start, and something always spouted by his supporters as showing him to be in touch with the common man, but lets face it, although immigrants, his father was already as well respected left wing thinker & speaker, so any child was likely to have had a good leg up using Daddy's contacts. Ed's intern ship was with the legend of British politics, Tony Benn.
Its hard to believe that his brief career in journalism made him the best person to lead the country through the problems we have at the moment, any more than writing speeches for other politicians or being part of the government that helped get us in this mess in the first place did.
Nick Clegg.
Another "silver spoon" political leader. Wealthy family, well connected, went to all the right schools and met all the right people. Apart from a couple of very well paid jobs as a lobbyist and a part time teaching job, Nick has been a European politician before he was selected to his current Sheffield seat.
Again, its hard to believe that someone who's job has been to lobby for big business at the heart of Europe, was born with a silver (plated) spoon in his mouth could ever know what its like to be a normal family in the UK today with all the attendant problems. Is all well & good being able to speak English, Dutch, French, German, and Spanish, but can he now speak to the man on the street? I very much doubt he ever could to be honest.
David Cameron
The only one of the three with a genuine, hallmarked silver spoon. A direct descendant of Royalty, he was born into money. Lots of it. He is however the only one of the three to have had a "real" job having been Director of Corporate Affairs at Carlton Communications for seven years. before and after that sojourn into the real world he was in politics all the way. Working at the conservative research centre before Carlton and then afterwards working for any Tory that would have him, and from the looks of it, he was in demand.
So, no doubt I will have people rubbishing me, but the point I am trying to make is that we have three leaders of supposedly very different political parties, non of whom have a clue about the real world.
Why on earth would we vote for them to lead this country? because for years, the political classes have slowly but surely made certain that this is the only choice we have. 3 posh kids who don't care about the man in the street unless he is related to them or their friends.
I love this country. I consider myself to be a patriot. I have served in the armed forces and always tried to make my own way until ill health cost me my business. Rather than sit on my bum & collect benefits, I went back to college, only to have a relapse, setting me back 18 months and now studying with the OU to keep my brain active even if I am unfit to hold down a full time job.
I don't see any political party that I would trust to run the country properly for the benefit of its inhabitants, both rich and poor.
I can hear my own father, a Labour supporter, spinning in his early grave, as well as my Grandfather, a Tory rotating in his.
I Can honestly say, I have only ever met one politician who truly seemed to be in it for others and she was defeated at the local elections here in Leeds earlier this year. Brenda Lancaster was her name & I hope that at the next local election, she comes back into politics.
She was hard working, always answered her phone & emails and was willing to talk to everyone who needed her.
My politics?
I dont follow any party. Never have & firmly believe they are all pretty much the same these days.
We have 3 party leaders of our main political parties, non of whom have ever had to live in the "real" world of having to save for a school trip for kids or wonder where the money will come from for school uniform.
How can we let these pampered & privileged people who haven't got a clue how the people in the street feel or in some cases have to struggle day run the country?
We need people in charge who have had to struggle at times, who remember what its like to worry and even if they are now very wealthy, are willing to look back and remember what it was like.
I'm sure that all 3 parties do have people like that, but they are kept in the dark by those "professional" politico's who have now all but taken over the system and the parties and who decide who gets what job & when, based on who they know or went to school with.
How is this approach good for the country as a whole?
It means we are led by a bunch of rich posh boys who are all looking out for the vested interests of other posh boys.
Lets look at them one by one...
Ed Milliband
Son of immigrants. Nice start, and something always spouted by his supporters as showing him to be in touch with the common man, but lets face it, although immigrants, his father was already as well respected left wing thinker & speaker, so any child was likely to have had a good leg up using Daddy's contacts. Ed's intern ship was with the legend of British politics, Tony Benn.
Its hard to believe that his brief career in journalism made him the best person to lead the country through the problems we have at the moment, any more than writing speeches for other politicians or being part of the government that helped get us in this mess in the first place did.
Nick Clegg.
Another "silver spoon" political leader. Wealthy family, well connected, went to all the right schools and met all the right people. Apart from a couple of very well paid jobs as a lobbyist and a part time teaching job, Nick has been a European politician before he was selected to his current Sheffield seat.
Again, its hard to believe that someone who's job has been to lobby for big business at the heart of Europe, was born with a silver (plated) spoon in his mouth could ever know what its like to be a normal family in the UK today with all the attendant problems. Is all well & good being able to speak English, Dutch, French, German, and Spanish, but can he now speak to the man on the street? I very much doubt he ever could to be honest.
David Cameron
The only one of the three with a genuine, hallmarked silver spoon. A direct descendant of Royalty, he was born into money. Lots of it. He is however the only one of the three to have had a "real" job having been Director of Corporate Affairs at Carlton Communications for seven years. before and after that sojourn into the real world he was in politics all the way. Working at the conservative research centre before Carlton and then afterwards working for any Tory that would have him, and from the looks of it, he was in demand.
So, no doubt I will have people rubbishing me, but the point I am trying to make is that we have three leaders of supposedly very different political parties, non of whom have a clue about the real world.
Why on earth would we vote for them to lead this country? because for years, the political classes have slowly but surely made certain that this is the only choice we have. 3 posh kids who don't care about the man in the street unless he is related to them or their friends.
I love this country. I consider myself to be a patriot. I have served in the armed forces and always tried to make my own way until ill health cost me my business. Rather than sit on my bum & collect benefits, I went back to college, only to have a relapse, setting me back 18 months and now studying with the OU to keep my brain active even if I am unfit to hold down a full time job.
I don't see any political party that I would trust to run the country properly for the benefit of its inhabitants, both rich and poor.
I can hear my own father, a Labour supporter, spinning in his early grave, as well as my Grandfather, a Tory rotating in his.
I Can honestly say, I have only ever met one politician who truly seemed to be in it for others and she was defeated at the local elections here in Leeds earlier this year. Brenda Lancaster was her name & I hope that at the next local election, she comes back into politics.
She was hard working, always answered her phone & emails and was willing to talk to everyone who needed her.
My politics?
I dont follow any party. Never have & firmly believe they are all pretty much the same these days.
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Is a problem shared a problem halved?
It’s always the way.
You get your head around one problem and solve it when
another comes along and takes its place.
This week has been all about LJHA and its (lack of)
customer service and sensitivity and overcoming the possibility of a move to
the bottom of a hill.
Despite all sorts of calls, it took the treat of a legal
challenge using the Human rights act to get them to sit down and accept that
they do have an awful lot of problems internally with staff.
Anyhow, we resolved all of that by agreeing that they
would put in a gate allowing me (almost) level access to a public footbath and
look into the aforementioned internal problems.
Then I get an email from my daughter who lives in the
middle of nowhere with her Mother and step father asking me about being
Bi-Polar and what it’s like for an “extended qualification project” for 6th
form.
Now, as a sufferer, I’ve only ever written about it from
my point of view and to have to put it into ways that a fairly intelligent 17
year old could not only understand, but also as it’s my daughter in a way as
not to scare her silly, was daunting to say the least.
Anyhow, after clarifying just how much info she wanted
and to make sure it was confidential, I wrote about my problems and how in the
past I had used “unconventional” means to stop the worst excesses of the mood
swings.
It was the telling of these unconventional methods to my
daughter that had me worried.
I am not overly ashamed of what I was doing, but to have
to explain why I was doing it to an impressionable girl was worrying all the
same.
Anyway, I wrote all she needed to know and hopefully, she
will get a decent result and my illness will have at least served some good to
someone other than the legions of social workers and shrinks that seem to
gather whenever a mental health problem arises.
Anyhow, I am later this month starting a writing course
with the OU as part of my degree. I am so looking forward to it. My tutor from
my last course is doing a reading at the Ilkley literature festival in October and
has asked a few of her students if they want to attend.
I can’t wait!
I find her engaging, witty and a very good writer. To
hear her read ahead of beginning to write myself will be a real pleasure. You can
read more about her here:
I really hope one day, someone, somewhere will ask me to
sit on a stage and read from my book of poetry, as its poetry where I feel my
talents lie. Anything else is incidental.
I love reading poetry and I have had some success with
writing it. Things like this are just to get me in the habit of writing free
flow and to see what actually arrives on the page…
I am just starting to get the smell of the chicken I put
in the oven, nearly 90 minutes ago on a very low heat for dinner. Add to the
fact I am doing mashed potato with spring onion and carrot along with broccoli
and dinner for a Tuesday is looking lovely.
This is what I want to be able to do. Listen to the
radio, write, post on twitter and cook
I would be a very happy man.
Perhaps my next gig should be as a food writer?
After all this started out as a freeform writing
exercise, not a blog post, but I’ve decided to share it with those who can be
bothered to read my raving on here…
Thank you for reading.
Monday, 22 August 2011
living with bi polar: But WHY are you leaving Orange?
living with bi polar: But WHY are you leaving Orange?: Well, seeing as so many have asked, I'll tell you.
When I first joined Orange, not too long after they started out, they were fresh, innov...
When I first joined Orange, not too long after they started out, they were fresh, innov...
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
But WHY are you leaving Orange?
Well, seeing as so many have asked, I'll tell you.
When I first joined Orange, not too long after they started out, they were fresh, innovative and actually cared about customers and giving you a good customer experience.
Sadly, this in my experience is no longer the case.
I had a number with Orange for nearly 10 years and had a spot of health & money trouble about 6 years ago. Orange told me they were happy to wait for payment until we had sold our business.
When the time came, I called Orange, paid the less than £200 bill and asked to be reconnected. In no uncertain terms I was told that my number was no longer available and they would only give me a PAYG.
I carried on with the PAYG for 3 years and then converted to a pay monthly contract. After a few months, I added a phone for my wife and then earlier this year took an iPad on a special offer as my wife found that easier to use than a netbook.
Lately, I have had nothing but problems.
About 6 months ago, I grew bored of my HTC Hero and bought an LG Optimus 7. I called Orange to cancel my (expensive) Orange care and let them know I had a new phone. All hunky dory, I was assured by the bloke on the other end, I've updated your account.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I went to use my phone & found "INVALID SIM" on the screen. I called Orange & go through to a bloke in India who insisted for the next 40 minutes I was still using an HTC Hero and asked me to try my simcard in another Orange phone. I tried the sim in my Sons phone only for him to get the same message.
When I put my sons card back in his phone, his too gave an Invalid Sim message...At this point I started to lose my temper.
He wouldnt listen to a word I was saying & wanted to charge me for delivering me two new sims the following day. I was not prepared to have to pay for two when one had been working until he asked me to remove it.
After a while, he rather rudely put the phone down. I can honestly put my hand on my heart & say I didn't swear or become rude with him, just upset he wouldn't listen to a work I was saying, something that I have found to be all too common with Orange's overseas call centres these days.
In the end, my wife called back, because he had not made it clear as to whether he was or was not sending out my new sim cards...In between, I wrote (and sent) the following email:
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Andie Riley [mailto:andie99uk@gmail.com]
Sent: 06 August 2011 21:16
To: 'customer.services@orange.co.uk'
Subject: a/c
This is the 2nd time I have had to resort to an Email to Orange this week.
About an hour ago, my phone started to say “Invalid sim”. I took it out, gave it a wipe & put it back in.
No change, so I called what you laughingly call customer services. Your wallah in India asked me to try the card in another phone. I put the sim in my sons phone & tried it in there to no avail. When I put my sons sim back into his phone, this also says invalid sim.
After being told that you wouldn’t be charging me for delivering a new sim (Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOO very much for that) your bloke decided that he had had enough of the call & put the phone down.
My wife is currently trying to get another idiot in India to understand what has gone wrong & is getting no further than I did.
By the time you lot actually get around to actually reading this, I will have paid up MY number & gone elsewhere.
Sadly, this is no longer the case.
At the earliest chance, I will also pay off my iPad & wifes phone number.
Yours
Andie Riley
___________________________________________________________________
The first email had been in regard to an app for Orange Windows 7 phones which allows you to keep track of your usage. I had been told (again, foreign call centre) that it was possible for my wife to see her usage on her phone whilst I saw my usage on mine. I was told that if I waited 24 hours, this would indeed be possible and duly waited, tried and failed...
Only to be told that the information given to me was absolute tosh...
The following day, I received this from "Andrea" in Customer Services:
-----Original Message-----
From: customer.services@orange.co.uk [mailto:customer.services@orange.co.uk]
Sent: 07 August 2011 12:49
To: andie99uk@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Case
Orange Online Services
Well, I waited & waited, left a couple of messages for the upgrades Manager (Richard Grundy) to do as he had said he would & call me back, all to no avail.
I found a lovely HTC Sensation for free with T-Mobile & it only cost me £35 to get out of my Orange contract. I now get unlimited internet, 600 any network minutes and a few other bits n bobs.
Not only have Orange now lost me, but I will forever more bug friends & family to leave, as well as using my Show to rubbish their customer services at every opportunity.
Orange REALLY were a great firm, but they have lost their way somewhat customer service wise over the last few years.
They really dont give a flying fig about the customer & just want to screw you for as much as possible...
Shame really.
___________________________________________________________________
Today I sent the following complaint by Fax to Orange:
Andie Riley
A/C No.
Sir,
On the 6th August, I sent the following email to customer Services:
From: Andie Riley [mailto:andie99uk@gmail.com]
Sent: 06 August 2011 21:16
To: 'customer.services@orange.co.uk'
Subject: a/c 56506048
This is the 2nd time I have had to resort to an Email to Orange this week.
About an hour ago, my phone started to say “Invalid sim”. I took it out, gave it a wipe & put it back in.
No change, so I called what you laughingly call customer services. Your wallah in India asked me to try the card in another phone. I put the sim in my sons phone & tried it in there to no avail. When I put my sons sim back into his phone, this also says invalid sim.
After being told that you wouldn’t be charging me for delivering a new sim (Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOO very much for that) your bloke decided that he had had enough of the call & put the phone down.
My wife is currently trying to get another idiot in India to understand what has gone wrong & is getting no further than I did.
By the time you lot actually get around to actually reading this, I will have paid up MY number & gone elsewhere.
Your service is abysmal, from top to bottom. I remember when Orange was THE phone firm to be with as you were innovative & actually cared about customers.
Sadly, this is no longer the case.
At the earliest chance, I will also pay off my iPad & wifes phone number. I will also be taking to the airwaves on my radio show to tell my listeners just how bad your customer service really is…
Yours,
Leaving
Andie Riley
Much to my surprise, I received a reply the following day from someone named “Andrea” accusing me of using offensive language and advising me that if I did so again, Customer Services would not deal with me:
-----Original Message-----
From: customer.services@orange.co.uk [mailto:customer.services@orange.co.uk]
Sent: 07 August 2011 12:49
To: andie99uk@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Case 15589653 a/c 56506048
Dear Mr Riley
Thank you for your email.
We are sorry to hear your views regarding our service.
Although we are happy to help you on this occasion, please refrain from the use of offensive content when contacting us again.
According to our records this query has now been dealt with.
We will not respond to offensive comments in future.
Kind regards
Andrea
Orange Online Services
Now, having shown this to a number of people, not one of them seems to be able (like myself) to find any offensive language in the email.
I duly replied asking for an apology, as I had not used any offensive language & feel defamed by your staff’s accusation that I have done so.
When I received no reply, I called and ended up speaking to a Richard Grundy in your upgrades department, who assured me he would contact Andreas managers and get them to call me with an apology, Either way, He himself would call me back on Thursday the 18th to make sure this had all happened.
So far, I have not heard from him or the other managers he said he would call.
This is why I have now decided to leave Orange.
Your customer service stinks. Your staff no longer seem to care about customers and treat them like rubbish. I have had times calling you and waited for 10 minutes only to have the phone put down when connected.
I have been lied to, defamed & would like a written apology before I take legal action against Andrea and then against Orange for allowing its systems to be used to carry out the defamation.
I still have 2 lines with Orange, and at the first chance I get I will also be cancelling those contracts.
In the meantime, I have written an online blog outlining just how badly I have been treat and encouraging others to share their Orange customer service nightmares. I will also be taking the opportunity of making an a radio show for the station I work for asking for customers opinions on Customer service, specifically those problems with mobile phone firms and giving them my experience as an example.
I look forward to a written reply within 10 days
Yours
Andie Riley
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