well, thats that over!

40.
Just a number right?
Bollocks.
Its all down hill from here & it wasn't that difficult a climb to get here.
Since Saturday, I've been pretty middling about everything then today, the NHS decide to call me to ask if I want my complaint investigating or do I just want other peoples live put at risk and allow incompetence/mistakes to carry on.
If I weren't so crap at suicide, I wouldn't be here now to moan, but as I am, let the moaning begin.
Less than 5 minutes after the 40 minute call from the NHS, my youngest tells me he lost his mobile phone 2 days ago.
and he wondered why I was upset!!!
Worse still the fuck wit that passes herself of as his mother wanted to get him another!!!
Not while the hole in my arse points down!
He tried to blame everyone but take the fault himself.
Worst thin is at his age, I was coming home & cooking a family meal for 3 as my mother had left my father, my brother & me to get on with it.
He did his best, he went out to work when he could get any then come home & beat the crap out of the two of us...I gave up telling teachers I fell over or bumped into something.
My brother turned to drugs & I just fucked off at 16 to join up.
There are times when I envy him for taking the drug route, not that I am whiter than white, but...
So, here I am.
40 & fucked.
I dont feel like carrying on, but I know I have to. I am going into CBT therapy next month and hope it has an effect, because if not, I dont know if I can keep things level year on year for much longer.
Had a nice night tonight though, went to see Jason Feddy and Patst Matherson play at the 7 arts centre in chapel allerton.
Singley, they are great, but together they were brilliant.
Pix above...