the wonders of modern chemistry

took a zopiclone last night & feel so hungover.
odd thing is that after one, my mood seems worse rather than better. I'm going to have to see my GP and ask if they are compatible with lithium.
I'm still off Facebook. but rather getting into Twitter...
picking up Robert from School tonight, and that it for him for 2 weeks. I have had to drop out of college.
I couldn't keep up with the work after the suicide attempt.
Never mind, I will wait until I am better & give it another go.

I'm Back

...but off Facebook.
Long weekend was to blame, but after leaving Leeds & driving for 7 or so hours with only a couple of short stops on Saturday, followed by a family birthday do in a room almost entirely full of deaf people, and then the same on the Sunday to get home, the last thing I wanted to find was my Eldest son had done nothing that was asked of him.
We asked him to hoover through, empty the bins and keep the place tidy.
The floor looked like a picnic had been held on it, the bins STANK and the dishwasher was half empty with his pots left in the sink.
I went mental!!!!!
I even called the ex wife to get her perspective on him only to be told that I now knew what she felt like when he lived there.
I then put on Facebook what I felt and called her Jabba the Hutt, which is a bit unfair.
To Mr Hutt.
My Daughter also waded in and my wife phoned her to explain what I had been through with the Bi-Polar and that what went on years ago between me & her mum wasn't really that important as we both loved her.
After that I deactivated my facebook account. I really should know better than to put stuff like that online...
Already had 3 people ask me to get back on as they miss my taking the piss out of people.
Then came Monday.
Nice, easy day putting the boys PC right. Added Win7, iTunes and office along with anti virus and sharing from my PC to theirs.
However, tonight, first night Pesach...
Wonderful!!!!
Round to Paulas, good food, good company.
and so to bed dear reader.

3 days away and I still feel like shit.
All I want to do is burst into tears every couple of minutes. I cant go on like this for much longer. Will be seeing the social worker from LJWB in just over a week, so that might help.
Difficult weekend coming up as I am in Suffolk for a family party. Cant stand crowds at the moment, so Pesach dinner on Monday could be fun.
Just a short one at the moment as I am cooking dinner & need to sleep.

Pope 'is at centre of Vatican abuse cover-up', says Hans K�ng -Times Online

Pope 'is at centre of Vatican abuse cover-up', says Hans K�ng -Times Online

knackered!

went to bed about 2ish, but was up & wide awake by 7.
What the hell do you have to do to get a real nights sleep with this god forsaken illness? its 9.45am and I cant believe how tired I feel. I'm off to Oldham later and am looking forward to it. 2 days with very few cares in the world...
Then on Saturday its Sudbury for my uncles 65th and a night in Ipswich before calling in to Cambridge for an hour on the way home.
By the time we get back, I will be dead to the world again!
I want to be able to get up at 7 and go to work, come home and do the things normal people do (whatever that might be).
I remember dating a girl (she was younger than me) who kept a diary that detailed every time she had been unfaithful to me with some bloke she met at the pub she worked in. I Loved her and it gutted me to break up with her, but ultimately I met Sue, fell in love, married & we had Robert.
Looking back, With Helene, I was in love with a very good looking blonde girl who was not ready for either love or commitment. Where ever she is now, I hope she is happy. She deserves it.
Sue on the other hand, deserves better than me. I have never cheated on her, but I dont feel like I have been as good a husband as she deserves. With the strokes & now the bi polar, I'm slowly killing her I feel.
Perhaps this couple of days will help us both relax.
Oh well, I'd better finish packing...My lift leaves Leeds @4ish

not sleeping...

is my biggest curse.
I can go weeks without a proper nights sleep, then have to take a few nights worth of sleepers to get my sleeping pattern back. I'm currently part way between patterns and its getting increasingly difficult to sleep a full night.
So, here I am, midnight, and wide awake watching TV with a cat curled up next to me.
I am tired, just cant fall off at the moment.
Well, thats all I can do for now, so until I get chance to blog again, thats it

P.S.
I'm off to Oldham for a couple of days as I need a break from my "normal" life before I go and try something stupid again.
TTFN

here we go

Here I am, 7 months after being diagnosed as Bi-Polar, one suicide attempt and a whole load of Lithium later deciding to write about how I am dealing with it and how I see my family & friends look like dealing with it.

Now, anyone who does read this will be morbidly interested in the suicide attempt.

After things got too much about a month ago, I decided to take all of my pain meds for a broken ankle in one go & wait for sleep to come & take me away.

Just a small point, I didnt take enough Tramacet to either kill me or ruin my liver or kidneys, but did take enough to sleep for 36 hours straight.

Looking back now with a month of hind sight, I'm glad I didnt get it right.

Suicide is probably the most selfish thing a person can do. It hurts everyone you have ever loved or cared about.

As it stands, I am off to stay with a mate for a couple of days so I can have a break from my family. I have started to get panic attacks in crowds, which is no good as a rugby fan!

I am looking at bloging on a weekly basis.

I also have a very good friend who is currently in hospital with BP after being sectioned.

Wont name names here, but my thoughts are with you and yours.